The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Emilio & Mila: The Sourpuss Twins

It's Monday and we're cranky and we're going to take it out on these two for failing to sufficiently entertain us.

We don't begrudge anyone their smack-talking. It's the lifeblood of reality television and when you're funny and witty with your smack talk (Jay McCarroll, Christian Siriano, Laura Bennett) we wind up loving you for it. So, we're not anti-smacktalk. But we ARE completely over Emilio's cocky brand of it.

Especially when...
Model: Holly Ridings

If there was any smack to be talked, it should have been directed at his efforts this week.

Let's start with Mommy. Simple, chic in that Roland Mouret kinda way. We like the neckline and the sleeves. We're not on board with that panel across the stomach, though. Is that supposed to represent her post-pregnancy bump or something? It just looks way too kangaroo to us. He was doing all this crazy seaming in the front, we would guess because he was trying to make the dress interesting, but the result...

Was a totally fucked up back. Emilio, we may not know women in the Biblical sense, but we're pretty sure most of them don't want a dress that gives them back rolls. Call it a hunch.

As for mini-mommy...

We'll be blunt: this is disgraceful from a design point of view. He rolled his eyes at everyone else's efforts (especially Seth A's) and turned out this "Baby Carrie just before she fell down the well" hideosity. Has he not looked at a child since...oh, the 19th Century or so? It's about as unimaginative an entry as one could possibly offer. The Little Rascals look more modern than this.

Mila's meds kicked in finally and we got a less crazy version of her this week. No what-the-fuckety-fuck-fuck coming from her direction.

Model: Cerri McQuillan

Unless you count these. But these weren't so much WTFety F-F as they were "Oh. How expected." Let's run down our "hates." We hate the hem and the length on Mommy's pants. They couldn't possibly be any less flattering.

We also kind of hate Mommy's coat. It's more of the same black and white color blocking from Mila but what really makes us hate it is the fact that, again, it's terribly unflattering.

As for mini-Mommy...

How old is this girl? Somewhere between 6 and 8, we'd say, right? These are toddler clothes. The only way that dress would look cute is if she was wearing diapers under it. And look at the way it fits around her neck. It has no shape to it and it's kind of crudely put together.

So, to sum it up, she made her Mommy look older and less attractive than she is and made her little girl look like a baby. Terrific! Let's write up a business plan and send you on your way to investor-ville, Mila!

Told you we were cranky.

Tim Gunn's Workroom:

[Photos/Videos: - Screencaps:]

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