The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Shear Genius S3E3 P2: I Can't Believe it's Not Fabio

"I'm a pirate! Arrrh!"

"StEYElists, stan wAAAy OWverr thAYre. Cayn yOO unnerstan me nAOw?

The challenge is romance novel covers and we think that's just brilliant.

Tweety Bird took the announcement the way she takes everything: as an opportunity to make sure everyone around her is looking at her.

She keeps talking a good game, and truth be told, she DOES have the talent to go far - but all her smack-talking and scheming can't really be helping her out. She was in real danger of going home simply because no one else could stand her enough to pick her for teams.

Let's take a look at how that worked out for her.


Title: Spiral of my Emotions

Not bad. A little basic, but then again this a medium that isn't exactly known for risk-taking. Like we said, she's got the talent, so much so that she did the work of two people and still managed to finish at the top. But if she'd had a teammate with whom she got along, she could have had a set of hands to help her execute this perfectly and possibly even won it. Her "I'm going to annoy the shit out of everybody around me" schtick may be guaranteeing her more camera time, but we're not seeing how it's helping her in the competition.

Now let's see how the rest of these hair bitches did.

Matthew and Janine

Title: Tangled in Romance

Let's face it: Matthew is the one to beat. The judges love him and with good reason. He does good solid work. And that's exactly what these pictures represent: good solid work. But like we said, they're romance novel covers. We're not looking for avant garde here. Janine is also one to watch, which made this team practically unbearable to watch because they were both so in love with themselves and each other. "Ohmigod, we are totally the best team! Aren't we the best team? I love what you're doing there do you love what I'm doing here? You DO?! OHMIGOD, we are TOTALLY the best team! BFFs! 2good + 2be =4gotten!!!!!!"

Brian and Amy

Title: Red Feather Reservations

One thing we discovered this week: there is a fine line between good solid work and lame work when it comes to romance covers. This would fall into the latter category. She looks bland and understyled and he looks ridiculous. Is he supposed to be some sort of Native American character? From where, the West Hollywood tribe? And why can't we see his feather? And why does he have his arm in a sling WITH AN ARROW STICKING OUT OF THE SLING? He's all, "Yeah, I love it when a white chick is hanging all over me, but could you help me out here with the arrow, bitch?"

April and Jon

Title: Roped into You

Sling Blade says "I don't read a lot of anything, but porn."

T Lo says, "If you're reading it, you're doing something wrong."

It's good, but she looks traumatized. Possibly because of this:
Jon, this isn't the Barbie Totally Hair Styling Head you grew up with. You seem to have forgotten that heads of hair are attached to actual bodies and there are like, bones and muscles and stuff to go along with all the icky girl things. The styling was good, but Camila was not impressed with his treatment of his model. At least, we think that's what she said.

Adde and Faatemah
Title: The Heart Shaped Tempest

PURE ASS ALL AROUND. Especially her, because her head literally looks like an ass. And here's a tip for any stylists following at home: When people mention Native Americans and feathers, they're talking about the cultural embellishments found in their clothing, hair, and ceremonial objects. THEY ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT FEATHERED HAIR. THAT IS SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT. He looks like he should be onstage with Cher, singing backup to "Half-Breed."

Seeya, girl. We kind of had high hopes for you going into it, but you seemed to have spent most of your time talking smack to the camera and not enough time working on the heads of hair in front of you.


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