The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Hilary Swank's Swanky Hills

Hilary Skank is more like it.

Two-time Academy Award winner Hilary Swank decided that the Vanity Fair Oscar party was the perfect time to unveil her other two trophies.

Armani Privé Fall 2009 Couture Collection
Model: Alana Zimmer

Come on now. We hate to sound like a couple of prisses, but you're a double Oscar winner, honey! Have a little dignity! How well do you think this tactic served Pamela Anderson's career?

Then again, maybe she wasn't risking pneumonia for her career:

"Hi, Don Draper! I'm two-time Academy Award-winning actress Hilary Swank! It's okay! You don't have to maintain eye contact! Here they are!"

"Haha! YES! Just a couple of celebrities at an Oscar party, talking shop talk! That's what we are! Have another drink, Don! Is it chilly in here, do you think?"

"Hello, other celebrity at my table! Have you seen my ring? Here! Take a closer look! I'll just leeeeaaan over so you can get a better look at them. I mean it."

"Oh, have one more, Don. What can it hurt?"

"...and this number here is my cell, and then the number right below it is my assistant's cell, and then that's my email, and then at the bottom I just drew a little map to my place in case you ever wanted to come over and, you know, run lines or something."

"Yes! I am two-time Academy-Award winning actress Hilary Swank and this dress is gonna get me laid by Don fucking Draper, bitches! EAT IT."

"GOD, I feel good. And who are all of you?"


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