The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Nina Garcia, Fashion Director of FABULOUS

Look out, bitches! She's HAD IT!

Darlings, there is nothing, and we mean NOTHING more delicious than Nina in a bad mood forced to look at crack clothes. She's been a little soft this season, so this past episode's return to "I have no time for this shit" Nina was very welcome in our living room. What made it doubly delicious was that she seemed to have even less patience with her fellow judges.

"It's bizAHHHH!"




"*snort* Did you hear that, Nina? I said 'bizAHHH!!' Wasn't that good?"


Yes, Heidi. A very ... cogent analysis."

"I could be a fashion editor, right? It's not so hard. I would have a big headline over Ben's outfit and it would say 'BIZAHHH!' in purple sparkly letters. What do you think?"

"I think your expertise is more centered on filling bras."

"What about Amy's, Nina? It looks like a cat in a baby sling."

"HAHA! GOOD ONE, HEIDI! Don't you think that was a good one, Nina?"

"Yes, she ... really thought about it."

"Well then, what do you think, Miss Crankytits, fashion director of Cranky Tits magazine?"

"What do I think? WHAT DO I THINK? I think this is a waste of my time! I think these fame whores care less about caressing my eyes with fabulous things than they do about getting camera time in order to further their fame whore agendas! I think we're all so tired of looking at shitty clothes that we'll praise anything that has a working zipper and won't get you arrested if you wear it in public!"

"Just LOOK at this crap that I am forced to consider in my life! There is no beauty in front of my eyes right now! A fucking hair bowl? Are you motherfuckers kidding me? Shark's teeth? 'My pastor's house burnt down?' THESE ARE NOT FABULOUS THINGS THAT ARE ALSO BEAUTIFUL THINGS. These are stupid things that you have all turned into ugly things!"

"I will not stand for these ugly unfabulous things assaulting my eyes, day after day! I will not HAVE IT, Heidi! And you two bitches sit there, day in and day out, coming up with your little quips, like "Oh! It looks like a disco soccer ball!" and I just want to KILL YOU BOTH WITH MY BARE HANDS because you are giving a pass to ugly. You are allowing the unfabulous to occupy the same space as you. You are devaluing all that is good and chic in this world because you do not share my compulsion to LEAP ONTO THE RUNWAY AND TEAR THESE UGLY GARMENTS FROM THEIR BACKS! YES! And then set fire to them! In the name of FASHION. In the name of FABULOUS!"

"THAT. Is what I think."



"I still think it looks like a cat in a baby sling."

"...""I'm a little scared right now. Why do I always have to sit next to her?"

"You'll have to ignore Miss Crankytits, designers. She's pissed because I came up with that "baby sling" line on my own."

"Actually, She's pretty hot, no? I would rip off any clothes she wanted me to!"

"Vive la fucking France."


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