The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011 Project Runway!

Hit it, Heidi!


" where reality show contestants go after they die!"


"I see no competition in this credits sequence. Clearly, I'm the best here."

"Just kidding. This is really just a computer generated set for the credits sequence for Project Runway, starring me, some Hispanic chick who works in the garment district or something, and some queen who wears the same outfit every day! Every day! Can you believe that?"

"If that dork behind me dressed like Captain Steubing doesn't shut the fuck up..."

"My belly is hypnotic, isn't it? It's okay. I know I'm hot all the way through my third trimester. You should have seen me when my water broke last time! No man could take his eyes off me!"

"I don't mean to be a bother, but could someone help me down? I have no idea how to get off this stupid thing. I have to be somewhere in 15 minutes. And then I have to be somewhere else 15 minutes after that. Oh, and I'm supposed to be making a department store appearance in Ft. Lauderdale in about an hour. And then at 2, I have to shoot a Tide commercial."

"And look at my titsen! SPECTACULAR, amirite?"

"No one congratulated me for being in the credits sequence. What's that all about?"

"Just passing through. Don't pay any attention to me. The producers don't."

"I've got it all! I REELY REELY REELY got it all!"

"Of course, most women hate me for looking like this when I'm pregnant, but fuck all y'all bitches. Can I help it if I have good strong German genes and a hot black stud of a husband? Bitches always gotta hate."

"This is my first step to becoming a household name!"

"What was that white lady's name again?"

"For these sixteen designers..."

"...Project Runway is the chance of a lifetime."

"Are we done? Good. Load them up in the truck and get them out of here. Where's my assistant? It's time for my prenatal vitamins."


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