The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

V S1E5: Welcome to the War

"Now my eggs need nourishment."

One thought popped into our head while watching last night's return to of V and it served as a metaphor for the entire show: "Everyone's wearing more makeup." Allow us to explain. While not perfect yet, the show we saw last night was a sexed up and streamlined version of the show that went on hiatus last November. From the brand new Sawyer-esque character of Kyle Hobbes, with his biceps and his painted-on jeans, to the suddenly overtly villainous Anna, dressed in black, making dramatic pronouncements like a lizard Alexis Carrington and eating poison blowfish with the relish of a Disney witch. Then there was sweaty, stripped-down Father Jack of the Church of the Holy Nautilus Machine and Anna's hilarious stud factory, which added another brick in her foundation as a gay icon, as if the holographic dressing room wasn't enough.

So yes, stripped down and sexed up, with a soupcon of quotable badassery sprinkled throughout. "I bet that stinks like hell too." "She has my son. If I have to cross a line to blow that bitch out of the sky, I will." All of this surface style was a shot in the arm and very welcome, but the story suddenly sped up in a bunch of different directions too, providing an all-you-can-eat buffet of conflicts and character issues.

There's Erica, who's now more bad ass than ever. Her fight scene with the creepy bald V was a great way to open the show and secure her "warrior woman" status. She's stuck in the interesting position of being a resistance leader who engages in terrorist acts while at the same time an FBI agent investigating those very acts. Should be fun going forward as she tries to maintain cover.

Ryan and Val. We're glad to see this story get more interesting, because they were suffering from a collective charisma deficiency in all their previous scenes. Something is seriously up with Val as her appetite rages out of control and she even contemplates eating a dead mouse. Creepy. She's got an upcoming OB appointment and that should certainly be interesting. We find out from Ryan's new V doctor friend (hopefully a regular addition to the cast) that a hybrid baby is essentially a miracle and they'll be in deep shit if Anna ever finds out. Val openly refers to the baby as miraculous and we're wondering if that's not a little bit of messianic foreshadowing.

Chad. We considered him the least interesting of all the characters even though he was in the most interesting position out of all of them, halfway between resistance and assimilation. His little chess game with Anna was interesting to see and we're looking forward to more of that sort of thing between them. He needs to be careful, though. She respects him, but it feels like she's just toying with him. It was interesting to see Anna step out of her new all-villainous black wardrobe and back into her neutral greys (but always with killer heels) for her meeting with Chad.

Then there's poor buff Father Jack, who definitely seems stricken with something after that R6 injection. Was his dream of turning into a lizard just a dream? "Something's changing inside me." Ruh roh.

Tyler is still a clueless moron, but after sitting in the V's doohickey, which flashed scenes from Hallmark Channel promos all over, he's an even bigger clueless moron. What the hell is their plan for him, anyway? Anna told Lisa that she would be able to fulfill her "destiny" with Tyler. Well, what the hell does THAT mean? We used to think it meant breeding but apparently, Val and Ryan's little oven bun notwithstanding, V-human cross breeding is impossible. So what's the plan for Tyler? "He can only have one family. Us."

Interesting to note that the Vs are apparently not "burdened" with emotions the way humans are. That makes fighting a war against them particularly difficult, not to mention out-thinking them.

And speaking of out-thinking them, Erica's stuck in a situation where she's under surveillance in her own home and has to pretend that she doesn't know she is, while also pretending her concern for Tyler is merely a parental control issue and not because she's, oh, you know... the leader of the human resistance.

And finally there's the fabulous Anna herself, in full-on villain mode, sniffing her way through her stud factory and to the delight of the gays, revealing herself to be a big ol' size queen and picking the biggest stud in the lineup, who also happened to look like a gay porn star once she got him naked. Interesting to note their apparent revulsion at their human forms as their mating, whatever it entails, was done with their faces deliberately turned as far away from each other as possible. No wonder the gay porn star didn't look too happy that she chose him. Poor girl just doesn't know how to kick a trick out of bed with some finesse.

All in all, a ramped up and totally promising return. We're 100% on board and can't wait to see where it's going, because it FINALLY feels like it's going somewhere.

[Photo Credit: ABC TV]

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