The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

PR: The Apology Reunion

The one where everyone apologized to everyone else and not one of them was sincere.

Honeys, what can we say? On the one hand, it was a reunion so spicy that one could reasonably argue that a couple careers might be in danger over it. On the other hand, it was a dour affair that in the end felt mostly pointless and served as an example of the new regime still not understanding where the strengths of the show lie.

Nina is a judge and Tim is a mentor. They are both very good in these roles. What they are not, is television hosts. Heidi is occasionally a not-very-good judge but the girl can host a show and in fact her reunion episodes were always her best showcase every season. She kept things moving, kept them light, and always offered up some charmingly (and more than likely, calculated) ESL-ism, like "selling like bagels."

When it comes right down to it, Nina and Tim are going to be the targets of too many grudges to be effective hosts. We can't imagine a reunion show without them, but you definitely need megawatt Heidi to pull the focus off them.

Plus, if we had our druthers, we'd prefer the reunion be held before the winner is announced. Knowing that Seth Aaron won took a lot of the tension out of the proceedings.

We liked the old reunions when the finalists were all tense and competitive and the rest of the designers were taking sides as to who should win.

Instead, Seth was happily quiet and Mila and especially Emilio had such an air of dejection over them it was kind of depressing.

In addition, the entire format was upended by having all the models sit in. To be perfectly honest, PR purists that we are, we were a little offended. Lifetime: stop trying to make "fetch" happen and stop pushing your Models of the Runway show on us.

We support the idea of that show, but only because it allows the focus of PR to be solely on the designers. MOTR should be optional viewing, at best. Like bonus web content except it's on your TV.

Seriously, nothing against those girls. They're an entertaining bunch and it's great that they get an extra half hour every week all to themselves. The problem with a reunion format of models + designers is that it creates a dynamic that exists nowhere in the fashion industry.

Designers are not forced to sit down and listen to what models think of their behavior and talent. In fact, it's so against the order of things that any model who made a habit of such commentary would find herself out of work pretty quickly.



Which brings us to the main attraction: Cerri vs. Jay. It really was a jawdroppingly stupid thing for him to say and what makes it even more appalling is that he was clearly proud of himself for saying it.

Jay honey, having a shade-throwing contest with the rest of the twinks over cocktails is a longstanding tradition in our little community, but the dumb twinks are the ones who don't figure out really quickly that you can't bring that kind of talk out in the world and you DEFINITELY don't bring it to your career. And you're too damn old for that shit. "Girls are icky!" might sound funny to you in a queeny sort of way, but it's an incredibly stupid impression to give the public when you want to...HELLO? DESIGN CLOTHES FOR WOMEN? Enough with the "vagina" and "boobies" comments. You showed a really exciting collection at Bryant Park, you had the benefit of a really complimentary edit throughout the competition and you are RUINING IT now because you keep shooting your mouth off like you're at a drag ball.

On the other hand, we thought Emilio came out looking a little better. Personally, while we found him a little sour and obnoxious throughout the competition, we didn't hate the guy the way so many viewers seem to. He was crushed when he lost and we're not going to criticize him for such a natural reaction. We felt bad to see him crying afterwards and we didn't think he was out of line to ask the one question anyone would want to ask: why?

To his enormous credit, he seemed perfectly satisfied with Nina's response that he showed a line rather than a collection. Considering he almost certainly intentionally designed it as a line, meaning it's literally ready to go on a rack or to a catalog shoot as-is, in toto, he seemed to respect her point.

On the other other hand, Anthony almost gave Jay a run for his money in the "gays shooting their mouths off" sweepstakes. They both are in some serious need of training as to how to conduct themselves in the public eye. Mila took it upon herself to make an apology that we have no doubt was sincere and Anthony responds by classifying her as a bitter old woman under the pretense of apologizing for classifying her as a bitter old woman, which is a classic shade-throwing maneuver.

And of course, his followup of "I can't give her a kidney" left no doubt as to the sincerity of his non-apologetic apology. Jay and Anthony, a little advice from your uncles slightly older brothers sisters: learn how to ask yourself this every time you feel the need to speak: "Is this something I would say drunk while wearing a speedo or being in the presence of people wearing speedos?" If the answer is yes, then shut up. Eventually you will find the urge to say shallow and insulting things will pass completely and on that day you become a man, my son little brother.

But enough recriminations and dissection. Ping, why don't you take us out with a song?

"I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY."

"Oh, fuck me sideways, here we go."

"EVEN THOUGH *snff* I AM BELOVED AND PEOPLE WALK DOWN THE STREET YELLING "PING! PING!" LIKE THEY ARE MACHINES IN A HOSPITAL I STILL *choke* CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE *sob* JESSE ATTACKED ME AND I PROBABLY ALMOST DIED OR SOMETHING. I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR ME TO CRY NOW BECAUSE I CAN REALLY FEEL IT ALL GETTING AWAY FROM ME AND I'M ABOUT TO LOSE IT."

"Jesus, I thought the white lady was the crazy one."

"We are quite happy to sit here in total silence for the entire show, dignity intact."

"Damn. Me too."

"MODELS. ONLY MODELS CAN COMFORT ME NOW. BOOHOOHOOHOOHOO."

"Ping, you are very creative but everyone in this room is disgusted with your display of emotion, which is totally uncalled for in the world of fashion."

"I can only concur. Get a hold of yourself Louise, your slip is showing."

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