The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Cannes Watch: Milla Jovovich

Lacks follow-through.

Milla Jovovich attends the premiere of 'The Exodus - Burnt By The Sun' Premiere at the Palais des Festivals during the 63rd Annual Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France in Louis Vuitton.

Louis Vuitton Fall 2010 Collection
Model: Elle Macpherson

Milla always kind of intrigued us. An undeniably beautiful woman, she always presents herself as if she doesn't give a shit about her looks. Not that she tries to sabotage herself in that tired way that some celebrities mistakenly think adds depth to their image. No, she really does come across as if she doesn't care either way. Well, we're of two minds about that; the feminist parts of our brains say that she's striking a blow for women everywhere to aim for being more than the sum of their parts, which really does show a little character. The much louder, pinker, gay parts of our brain just impatiently nod and say "Yes, yes. That's all well and good, but sit down and let me blow your hair out at least."

Case in point: It's like she felt her obligations ended by putting on a dress. Silly girl. Everything from the neck up looks like it took about 5 minutes to do. We wouldn't be a bit surprised if she had a scrunchie in her hair. The success of a red carpet look is based on two components: the wow factor of the dress and the detailing (hair, makeup, accessories). She always seems to forget about the detailing.

In addition, let's face it: that dress looks like a blanket. A strapless Snuggie. A cat-vomit-colored strapless Snuggie. We like the silhouette, we just hate that pukey pink and wrinkled bronze together. And it all looks so heavy. Milla darling, put a little more thought and effort in. Better yet, hire someone to do that for you. You don't have to be all fussy about it. Just sit back and let someone else make you pretty for you. You can read Dostoevsky or something while they're doing it, if that'll make you feel better.

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