The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Cannes Watch: Helen Mirren

A walking advertisement for menopause.

Helen Mirren attends the 'Robin Hood' Premiere at the Palais des Festivals during the 63rd Annual Cannes Film Festival on May 12, 2010 in Cannes, France in Elie Saab.

Elie Saab Fall 2010 Collection
Model: Ksenia Kahnovich (IMG)

Cannes is under way, dollbabies, so that means a ton of red carpet in the coming days. Are you woman enough to handle it? Then let's get cracking.

You know what's great about Helen Mirren? Well, the correct answer is "EVERYTHING," but we'll stick to the point we were going for. What's great about Helen Mirren is, she takes that hoary old cliche "age is just a number" and fucking walks that walk every day. This is not a woman trying to hide her age in any way. To be blunt, from the neck up she looks every minute of her age. No, this is a woman who REVELS in her age because she knows her age is part of what makes her so damned attractive. Oh sure, the killer body is a big help, but she's had no work done on her face, doesn't fuss with her hair too much, and even the makeup is generally low-key and uncomplicated. With Helen, it's all about style and attitude and she's got both in spades. We mean this 100 percent as a compliment, but Helen always looks like she's been having a lot of great sex lately. We don't know her life, but she's always got a knowing smile and an ease and sexiness in her own skin, like someone who's been getting good and laid lately.

Can anyone truly say she doesn't look incredible here? A slinky dress that nonetheless reads mature in the best sense of the word. How does she do that? She can wear these very form-fitting dresses and come off looking like royalty. In fact, isn't it time we gave her her own country to rule? She's played enough queens to pack a Liberace pool party and done them so well that isn't it just time that we hand her an island and a tiara? Imagine what she could do with it! A land where everyone looks good well into their '80s and everyone dresses stylishly because everything looks good on them and everyone has sex all the time whenever they want it and each time, it's FANTASTIC, which means everyone's skin is glowing and nobody gets cranky, not even shopgirls. Queen Helen of Fuckingfantastica. Sign us up.

Which is our own long-winded way of saying IN. We defy anyone to tell us why she should be otherwise. Go on.


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