The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Virgins v. Vixens: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN!

They're back and they're well-rested, kittens!

For those just joining us, here's the deal: For the past year, we've been pitting the Silver Screen's Virgins and Vixens against each other in order to determine the ultimate Virgin or Vixen of all time. For the purposes of this contest, Virgins and Vixens are defined as the top actresses of the period from about 1948 to 1968. Top actresses of the previous decades were pitted against each other in the previous contest, the Dames and Divas Deathmatch.

You see, pre-WWII and through the war (the period from about 1930 to about 1945) actresses were either characterized as tough shopgirl types (think Joan Blondell, Barbara Stanwyck, Joan Crawford, Ginger Rogers) or society types (think Katharine Hepburn, Gene Tierney, Bette Davis and even Joan Crawford again) and thus the term "Dames and Divas."

In the post-War period, when Rosie the Riveter gave way to Donna Reed, the loosening up of gender roles that started in the '20s came to an abrupt halt as the men came home from the war expecting to live the American dream, which at the time included the fantasy of the sexually available woman who worked as a household slave. Unsurprisingly, the top actresses of the period tended to fall into either a Virgin category (Doris Day, Audrey Hepburn) or a Vixen category (Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor, Brigitte Bardot).

This is, of course, terribly reductive but what do you expect from a silly little time-waster like this?

Anyway, it took a while to tally the votes from the previous bout, but there could be no doubt as to the winner, who won by almost a 3 to 1 margin.

Yes, you made us proud as you voted for the CORRECT one this time. You see, kittens...


HSH PRINCESS GRACE OF MONACO IS DEAD.

And YOU killed her this time. Look, as hometown Philly boys we'd love to say that we're big fans, but aside from one astonishingly charismatic performance in Rear Window, we never could warm up to this ice princess, beautiful as she was.

You know what that means, don't you?


It means that MISS SOPHIA LOREN is stepping back into the ring (after she checks her makeup) to take on the ultimate Vixen of all time:


MISS MARILYN FUCKING MONROE, BITCHES.

Can anyone say they're surprised at this reveal? Surely you all saw this one coming. We have to say, we never could have predicted that Sophia would be the one to take on Marilyn. We honestly though Audrey Hepburn was going to barrel her way through the contest to take on Norma Jean but you bitches voted her out pretty quickly.

At any rate, since this is the final bout, we figured we'd throw in a couple more pictures of these two highly photographed bombshells (apparently "virgins" simply can't compete when it comes to you gals) to help you make your choice. Enjoy the fabulousness.






Ready? VOTE!


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