The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Yea or Nay: Old-Fashioned Men's Swimsuits

Darlings, this one confuses our little gay brains.

The Emporio Armani Spring 2011 collection was inspired by Lady Gaga's video for "Alejandro" but that is a topic for another day. Specifically, the day when we get to discussing that collection. We have a ton of collections coming up and we will work our way through them, opinionating in the T Lo manner like you all expect us to do.

But we wanted to highlight some pieces from that collection because we're not sure what to think about them. It's those swimsuits, darlings. Straight outta 1920.

On the one hand, they look hot on the models, that's for sure. On the other hand, they're models, so that's not really a mark in their favor. Also on the other hand (perhaps on one of the fingers) is the fact that even on a hot guy, something like this would leave some mighty weird tanlines.

Here's another reason why these suits confuse us. We want to singlehandedly get the ubiquitous board shorts off the beach. Something happened in the last 20 years (our theory is that gay men and straight women got a lot louder about what they find attractive) that made our American men cover themselves up on a beach so much that the average Edwardian would proclaim them a little prudish. There's just something a little ridiculous about a man coming out of the ocean with huge baggy pants that go halfway down his shins. Why do American men want to hide their delicious American thighs so much, kittens? Even from a practical level it doesn't work because a lot of guys who carry around extra weight tend to have pretty good legs, so why cover your best body part?

At least these suits aren't shy, even if they don't make a lot of sense. We're not arguing for the return of the speedo on men who shouldn't wear them, but what's wrong with a suit or short that stops above the knee?

We say neither Yea nor Nay to these suits. They're anomalies. But they do make us long for the days when men weren't so afraid of showing a little thigh in public. We've become quite the Victorians when it comes to the male body. What say the Bitter Kittens?

Stay tuned for more trends and collections, darlings.

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