The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Emmys 2010 Red Carpet, Part 1

Ladies, we've got a lot of ground to cover, so put on your bitchpants and lets get to it.

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen Resort 2011

Oh, God. Look, we applaud her for taking risks, really we do. She's worn McQueen before to great effect. Unfortunately, the effect here is "This dress doesn't fit me properly." Look at that dropped waist seam on the model and look at it on Anna. Honey, this wasn't the dress for you.

And listen, someone needs to talk to your husband about his hair. Christina Hendricks' red looks more natural than that. Lucille Ball's red looked more natural than that.

Christina Hendricks in Zac Posen Resort 2011

Normally, we'd hate the dress for being too twee and goddess-y, but this is such a major step in the right direction for her that we can't bring ourselves to criticize. It fits her like a dream and as we all know from her past RC appearances, that's something of a miracle. Hate the color, though.

Dianna Agron in Carolina Herrera Resort 2011

It's a striking dress, but it comes off a little mature for her. She looks a little bit like a mantilla.

Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan

WOW! Another Mad Woman rocking the red carpet for once. She's had more than her share of not-good looks, but she really pulled it together for this one. Yes, she could use some color, but it fits her well, and her hair and makeup look fabulous. Could it be? Could someone have taken the Mad Women aside and told them to stop fucking up on the red carpet?

January Jones in Atelier Versace Spring 2010

No, apparently not. January didn't get the memo.

Look, it's a striking dress and it's a great color for her, but the shape of it is way too hard for most non-models to pull off and her hair and makeup look terrible. Simple and clean, Miss Jones. We know you don't want to hear it, but that's your look. Stop trying to be edgy.

Heidi Klum in Marchesa Fall 2010

It's time to say it: mutton dressed as lamb. Very, very pretty mutton - in fact, probably one of the most beautiful pieces of mutton the world over - but honey, you're not 22 anymore. And that dress on you makes you look desperate for attention. The scary clown makeup and Brigitte Nielsen hair are not helping the look. Also, that necklace doesn't really go with that dress.

Jane Lynch in Ali Rahimi

When we first saw her onscreen, we thought she'd really hit it out of the park. Great color, nice fitted bodice that flatters her - good so far. Until we saw the skirt. Jane, here's some advice for free: if the skirt looks like a sleeping bag, put it back on the rack or slap the stylist who suggested it to you.

Jewel in Zuhair Murad Fall 2010 Couture

Dull as dishwater and about the same color.

Kathy Griffin in Oscar de la Renta

It's kind of stiff and we're not loving whatever those shiny things are on her skirt, but she has worn some truly disastrous outfits on the RC so we've gotta give her the props here. This is probably the nicest dress we've ever seen her in. Hair and makeup look good too.

Kelly Osbourne in Tony Ward Spring 2010 Couture

Unbelievable. We never could have guessed she could look this good. By far, the best she's ever looked. She's obviously lost weight but we're happy to see she doesn't look like she's starving. The dress fits beautifully and we love the draping on the bodice. The skirt is a tiny bit bedspread-y, but only a tiny bit.

Kim Kardashian in Marchesa Resort 2011

Jesus, we can't believe this and please don't hate us for it, but she looks pretty amazing here. That dress is gorgeous and works perfectly for her.

Lea Michele in Oscar de la Renta Resort 2011

This is TOTALLY a "I'm here to pick up my award" dress.

Oh well.

The more we look at it the less we like it. Too ruffle-y on the bottom and the titscrepancy is distracting. Nice color, though.

Rutina Wesley in Douglas Hannant Fall 2010

Always nice to see a print on the RC. It's an attention-getting dress and we like it on her, but we are way too distracted by the makeup, which looks like it was applied by someone who customizes vans for a living. Is that a whole lot of blush or was she slapped twice before facing the cameras?

Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta Resort 2011

Here's the thing: that's a lot of graphic stuff for one tiny gal to pull off and she's right on the cusp of being overwhelmed by it, but we have to say she's never looked this good before.

Did L.A. get an influx of new stylists or something? We were far too complimentary with this post! We hope to be much bigger bitches in Part 2, later today.

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