The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

In or Out: Christina Aguilera in Atelier Versace

Princess Oompa of Loompa.

Christina Aguilera attends "The Unmasking" The Lynda and Stewart Resnick Exhibition Pavilion Opening Gala held at The LACMA in Los Angeles, California. She wore an Atelier Versace gown, Christian Louboutin shoes and a Christian Dior clutch.

Atelier Versace Spring 2008 Collection
Model: Rianne Ten Haken (ELITE)

This was a set of pics that prompted a little birthdate googling because we were fairly certain that Christina here is under 60 years of age, but we had to confirm it. She is, in fact, 29.

It's not the most thrilling dress in the world but it could have been great with the right kind of styling. Now, reasonable people can differ over what constitutes the right kind of styling, but we think it's fair to say that reasonable people can all agree that flammable cotton candy hair and skin the color of a seared pork loin does not fall under this category.

One of the many things you can pay for if you're rich enough is someone else's taste. From interior decorators to gift gurus to stylists, there is a cottage industry of people willing to keep you away from your poor taste impulses. Christina here really needs to avail herself of a taste person. Perhaps a whole taste army. We're not even saying she needs gays here. She needs anyone who's man or woman enough to dig in, get their hands dirty, and turn this persimmon-colored Mae West impersonator back into a real live girl. It will be a long, hard road, so we're looking for a few good men and women to get Christina to sand blast the furniture stain she's been applying to her skin and to convince her to let her hair grow out just to discover it's true color, since we doubt she even knows what it is at this point.

Kittens, it should be pretty obvious that this is a big ol' O to the UT. There is no good reason for an attractive and talented young women in her 20s to go out looking like she's ready to receive her Lifetime Achievement statue. At the Adult Video Awards.

Come on now, Christina. Go home and take a good look at yourself and think about what we said.

[Photo Credit: getty/wireimage]

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