The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

Dress Libs: Chloe Sevigny in Chanel

Crack a smile, honey. It won't kill you.


Yes, girls. It's time once again for YOU to be the primo bitch on T Lo! But first, let's give a warm round of applause to AIMEE, who won the last Dress Libs by looking at this:


And coming up with this:

"Are you kidding me? Her right shoulder looks like it's going to eat that shoulder bow and start prancing all over the room! That skirt looks like scattered pomegranate seeds, the top is making her look like a mesh shopping bag full of brass tacks, and the whole look together fairly screams "HELEN KELLER IS MY STYLIST!!!!"

And don't even get me started on the makeup! It makes her look like a tired wanna-be country singer who's been camped out on the sidewalk outside the Grand Ole Opry waiting for her big break. She should fire her creampuffs!"

Congratulations, Aimee! You've won the jealousy of thousands of people! Revel in it, darling. Remember: the jealousy of others always tastes like candy. It was the Hellen Keller line that won it for her. You just can't top that one.

Okay, ladies. Break out your thesaurus and do a little stretching to warm up, because it's time for some more do-it-yourself bitchery.


Chloe Sevigny attends "The Artist's Museum Happening" MOCA Los Angeles Gala
in Los Angeles, California in Chanel.








"Oh, HELL no! If the fashion world is going to bring back (one of the elements of this outfit), then they're even (colorful term for insane) than I thought. What is it with these (type of person who follows fashion)? Doesn't she own a mirror? Does she have any friends to tell her she looks like (famous person or character) after a (medical procedure)? In (year)? The (one element that you like) isn't bad, but the (element you hate the most) is so bad it's making me (gastrointestinal reaction)! I just want to rip that/those (design element) off her and (method of destroying something) it. Honey, here's a little free advice. If your outfit makes your (bodypart) look like (food item/large item/wrinkled item/inflated item), then you should probably stay home and (something you do in the privacy of your home)."

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]

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