The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

If We Were Her Gays: January Jones

Darlings, let's play with dolls.


Red carpet commentary can be such a haven for Negative Nancies and Sad Sallies that we thought we'd turn the concept around. Rather than stringing together a bunch of jokes and bitchy bon mots ripping some poor stylist's work to shreds, why don't we play Deskchair Stylist ourselves? And who better to kick off this new feature than January Jones?


January makes a good first choice for a couple of reasons. First, because she's clearly in need of help and rarely pulls it together for the RC like she should. Second, because she's thin and pretty and not particularly exotic or even notable-looking, she makes an easy first canvas upon which to try this out.

Just to make it easy, we restricted all our choices to the Spring 2011 collections. We skipped the pre-Fall and resort collections because we'd be scrolling for hours trying to find a dress and besides, those two mini-collections aren't as loaded with red carpet-ready dresses as the Fall and Spring collections are.

But enough chatting. Let's play dressup!

Let's start with something simple, like this cute little getup from Peter Som. Obviously, this isn't something to be worn at the Emmys or even at a film premiere, but for a photocall or a luncheon, this would work quite well for her. She needs to stay away from fussy looks and embrace the clean lines that suit her. Because of her washed-out coloring, she looks best either in very rich tones and saturated hues, or in simple blacks and whites. That little pop of orange at the belt would work nicely for her.

This Chanel dress is our one concession to fussiness for her. She often shoots for (and misses by a wide mark) "edgy" in her looks and as a former A&F model, she's kidding herself. She doesn't have the looks or the persona to pull them off. This dress marks a halfway point between the clean, feminine lines that suit her best and the slightly edgier pieces she clearly gravitates toward. The color is just a bit too close to a pastel, but with smart choices in accessories and makeup, she could make it work for her.

Icy blondes with WASPish good looks tend to rock the white in a way few others can. We don't know exactly where we'd advise her to wear this gorgeous white trench from Yves Saint Laurent, but we're sure we could work it in somewhere, since it's almost guaranteed she'd look fabulous in it.

In fact, let's continue with the white looks for a bit:

These two, from Dolce & Gabbana would look incredible on her. We'd probably recommend a higher hem on the first one, but other than that, they need no tweaking. They're feminine without being fussy or over-designed and we could see her doing parties and press events, if not full-on premieres in these two looks.

Okay, now the girl's in need of some color:

Because she's admitted that she's more of a "jeans and t-shirt" kinda gal, and because one of our favorite JJ looks of all time had her in pants, we suggest this highly colorful and striking Jil Sander look for, say, a daytime affair; maybe a luncheon or round of interviews.

But enough with the day looks; girl needs some gowns in her rotation for awards season.

She would rock this brilliantly colored Lanvin so damn hard. But the Spring collections didn't offer too much in the way of saturated colors, at least not in dresses that would suit her, so we're turning to classic black and white for the next two suggestions.



Both of these are from Prabal Gurung's collection, which is kind of ironic, since this particular collection was exploding with color. We bitch about too much white and black on the RC, but it really is hard to find something in season, that suits your client's style, in exactly the right shade for her coloring. Since January looks so good in black or white, we don't feel too guilty. These gowns have the clean lines she needs to make her signature. We also like the neckline on both. She has an all-American girl figure, with a touch of athleticism to her, meaning she has slightly square shoulders. The halter and -t-shirt-style necklines would suit her.

But we would like to see a skosh more color in her rotation, so we're offering this:

Yes, it's pink. But it's a vivid pink, which means we don't think she'll look washed out wearing it. This is a Jason Wu, and while there's a tiny bit of frippery on the bodice, we thnk she can handle it. She would, of course, need to have some sort of lining, because actresses showing their nipples on the RC may get their picture taken, but they also get slammed pretty hard in the press for it.

We haven't even attempted to pick out shoes or bags to go with all these looks. We'd be here all day if we tried. Generally, she should stay away from ostentatious jewelry, especially with these looks. Since there's so many black and white looks here, she shouldn't have too much of a problem pairing shoes and bags to most of them. If you think we're smoking the crack, by all means, weigh in with your suggestions. The Spring 2011 collections can all be found here. Get cracking, home stylists! Let's see what you can do for Miss Jones.


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