The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011

U.S. Figure Skating Championships - Men

Boogie Woogie.

Darlings, let's have a little costume fun! We'll get to the ladies and pairs later, but first, let's check out some butt boys and make fun of their clothes. Hit it, ice princesses.

Short Program

Adam Rippon
You know, once you take Juliet out of the equation, Romeo comes off a little gay.

Armin Mahbanoozadeh
"WOOT WOOT!
CHURN THAT BUTTER!
CHURN THAT BUTTER!
WOOT WOOT!"

Brandon Mroz
"What? A guy can't get a little asymmetrical now and then without people questioning it?"


Keegan Messing
That's one grumpy little spinning wood elf.

Jeremy Abbott
"LIZA! ON! ICE!"

"SCHWAH!"


Richard Dornbush
You know, once you take Karen out of the equation, Richard Carpenter comes off a little gay.


Ryan Bradley
Okay, we're not gonna lie. That's an adorable-bordering-on-hot outfit.



Free Skate

Adam Rippon
A salute to drunk, straight groomsmen, who have been happily dancing to the very gay Village People at weddings for the last thirty years.

Jeremy Abbott
This is a really cute outfit -- if you're an editorial assistant at a fashion magazine. On the ice? Feh. Bring on the crack, we say. What's the fun in skating dressed like you're ready for a day of telephone answering?

Richard Dornbush
It's like Greg Brady, Donny Osmond, and Leif Garrett all got together to make a little lovebaby.

Ross Miner

"FUCKING CATER WAITER, DUDE! YEAH!"

Ryan Bradley
"Girl, I did NOT just hear you diss my peplum, did I?"

[Photo Credit: getty]


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